boy wheelin' by

SAN FRAN TRANS MARCH 2008

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 02:26:55 GMT

OK, so this is my trip plan.. Leaving Australia end of April, 2 weeks on a beach island in Thailand , 4 weeks in India. Then fly to Scotland mid June (to live and travel around Europe).

NOW I'm thinking I'd like to hop on another plane to SAN FRANSISCO for the TRANS MARCH 2008 at the end of June. Camille (my partner) said she'd probably rather go WOOFING in Europe and visit San Fran another time.

I went to it in 2005 when I was pre-transition and it would be awesome to go now that I am post op etc.

I need some people to convince me that this is a great thing to do and I should not worry about money etc and just go for a few weeks to have some fun. A flight will cost about AU$1000 and accommodation shouldn't be a problem because i have an awesome friend Kirby in the mission! So it would just be my flight plus play money.

Who is going anyway?

18 months on T

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 06:11:21 GMT

here are a couple of head shots!

pre T

18 months

muscles....... thanks to Sunny Gym

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 06:13:19 GMT

So soon I will post before and after photos of myself, I've been really busy lately. I'm nearly 1 & 1/12 years on T.

But basically I owe a huge thanks to my Personal Trainer, Lee Caldwell.

Lee really helped me prepare for chest surgery in terms of building up my chest muscles to get the best result possible. Through this process I learnt about my diet, exercise, weight gain, body building and a whole lot more.

I put on about 12kgs, which was mainly muscle. I'm really happy with my body now and I actually have pecs!

Lee is totally understanding of the transition process and if you are interested in getting assistance from a really motivated and positive source, check out Sunny Gym below for more info.

overseas trip changed

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 04:58:49 GMT

we were having visa issues and now we will probably be living and working in the Republic of Ireland and not the UK.

But we are still going through Thailand and India and Scotland. But then heading to Dublin to work.

We still want to go to America too.

yay!

going overseas

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 05:18:20 GMT

I'M LEAVING AUSTRALIA!

Camille and I are heading overseas, which is very exciting. Apart from a few visa issues we are looking forward to it all.

First we are planning a beach holiday in Thailand, then we are going to India for a few months. Camille is going to do a pilgrimage with her parents in Tibet. I'll go rafting and camping whilst we are separated.

Then we are heading to the UK. Primarily Scotland. But we want to travel through Europe as well. If anyone has a place for us to stay anywhere in the world we would love you!

We are also going to go to New York and San Francisco, and anywhere else where someone is, who offers us a place to stay!

Let me know if you are up for it this year!

yippee

B-News Article about me and a recent pic

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 05:31:07 GMT

howdy.... B-News did a write up of the TransMen TransLated exhibition and a little about me and the FTM transition.

It's short but sweet.

go to http://www.bnews.net.au/content/view/1060/1/

also, here is a very recent pic of me and my partner Camille.

http://photos.samesame.com.au/vic/Upstart_Alley__Gasworks_-_27_1_08/_MG_7640-alleykat_080127_upstart_alley.jpg.html

Midsumma Trans Exhibitions: images and overview

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 01:11:53 GMT

Here are some photos from the recent Exhibitions I have been involved in.

This one is called TransMen TransLated.

It featured a documentary on my chest surgery, an interview and short film of my earlier transition stages as well as footage of my performances.

There were also many photos of myself and other dudes from around the world. Jesslyn Moss was the curator and photographer of some images, Claire (Wednesday) Henry did an installation and was the filmmaker behind the 2 films (which have also been accepted into the Melbourne Queer Film Festival). I'm sorry that I don't have credit information on all of the other images, some are self portraits and there were also some images from other photo projects. The shots were beautiful.

There were 150 people there at the opening and it was truly amazing to be a part of this. It was a pretty special and real exhibition, very personal and hopefully there will be more to come in Melbourne and Australia.

I'd like to make mention of Zoe Belle who unfortunately passed away tragically the night before the opening. I did not know her myself, but she had a pivotal role in the Trans* community and many people at the opening were very sad. It is an awful tragedy and my thoughts go out to her loved ones.

for more pics go to: http://photos.samesame.com.au/vic/TransMan_TransLated__Gasworks_Arts_Park_-_15_1_08/_MG_6105_alleykat_10-01-15_transman.jpg.html

Toil/Art ....

This is another exhibition for Midsumma. It is a campaign for gender neutral toilets. Jacqui Brown took some amazing images, it is a great exhibition. Check it out.

here are some pics (only of me), I don't have other images, but there are some great images all round in the exhibition at Kick Gallery.

a transman injury

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 23:49:50 GMT

i don't quite know how to overcome this. it certainly frustrates me, and at times is very painful.

everytime i shake a man's hand, which happens alot through work etc. they always nearly fucken break my hand. what is it with this? are men more masculine and powerful the more crushing their handshake is? one time my barber shook my hand and a ligimant snapped, i've never recovered from that and every other handshake triggers it off. i'm getting to a point where i want to tell men not to shake my hand so hard, or don't shake it at all.

i have been told by one guy after we met and after a few beers that he thought my handshake was quite weak, therefore he was judging me on that. he must have been thinking is this person actually a 'man', the handshake indicates something non-masculine about this person. to be honest since then i tried to become more aware of my handshake and i think this is the only thing that i stress about in terms of me passing. it is really ridiculous.

i mean i don't shake hands that hard because i don't really care about the tradition. i still kiss guys on the cheek if i get the chance. i prefer to give a hug and a kiss. the handshake is so uptight and it bores me. if you know the person well then it is fine because there is no fight for dominance through a tough handshake.

i took my problem to the net and askmen.com had this to say........ i guess i come under the softie banner, but when a sofite meets a crusher..... they are doomed.

Make sure your handshake is firm and dry; this will allow you to make a good first impression. I have shaken a lot of hands in my career and can now group them into five categories based on different characteristics. Insights will be given on what handshakes project confidence and which ones don't for each of these categories.

the wet one

There are many repulsive handshakes, the wet one probably being the worst handshake around, so try to keep your palms dry. People get nervous, especially before an interview, so just remember to keep your hands dry and wipe your sweaty palms.

Here are two tips in order to keep your hands dry.

1. Wash your hands before going to the interview and keep your palms open until the time comes to shake hands with the employer. Make sure not to close your fists, because that's what generates the heat and sweat.

2. Wipe your hands before the handshake. Carry a Kleenex to wipe your hands, as this will help you absorb the excess moisture and allow you to give a dry handshake.

the softie

A soft handshake demonstrates weakness, lack of confidence, lack of interest, and lack of masculinity. These are obviously the opposites of power and strength, important attributes in respected and successful people. I would suggest that if you do have a weak handshake, firm it up. This will definitely leave a better impression every time you shake hands. Pay attention to how much pressure is applied by the receiver and notice if your handshake is firm enough, then adjust yours accordingly.

the four-fingerer

I am sure this happened to you before. Someone takes your four fingers, not allowing you to really lock your hand with theirs, and then squeezes your hand hard. That is really frustrating and should be avoided. This can happen easily when rushed or simply by accident. My advice to you is to apologize and ask the person for a second handshake. It might sound awkward, but people actually remember this and will appreciate the respect derived from a real quality handshake.
the crusher

This type of handshake is classic. You know how guys and their egos are; they have to be the strongest male around. Some guys really like to squeeze your hand as if it was a lemon. Don't get me wrong, I like a sturdy handshake, but it has to be comfortable to the receiver to some degree. Just save your testosterone for the gym and moderate your grip.

the oddball

These days, people need a manual to decode some of those weird handshakes. I see kids twiddling, slapping, clicking, and dancing with their fingers, and they actually consider these handshakes. Please grow up and be men. No more hocus pocus; a simple, firm handshake, will do fine.

A handshake is a very simple gesture, but can be a determining factor in interviews and social gatherings. Just make sure you firmly shake the person's hand and look at them straight in the eye. This is a simple, yet effective tip which will hopefully allow you to make a great first impression.

WHATEVER FUCKERS!!!!

my middle name IS actually Peter... maybe this is why?

Thu, 10 Jan 2008 00:24:25 GMT

at my work xmas party we were posing hell crazy like and i managed to pull off a very good pete doherty face.

i'm not sure this is a good thing though?

this is me

this is pete

TransMen Translated Exhibition

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 22:38:50 GMT

Come and see my surgery doco, other docos on my transition and a photo project featuring many guys from around the world.

happy thoughts and pics

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 06:05:20 GMT

I am aware that I haven't been posting alot lately. This is ultimately because I used my journal as an outlet to express myself, gather my thoughts about my transition, share my experiences and show my physical changes.

I feel like I have come to a very happy point in my life. My chest is healing well, although I think I will need a revision to cut away some excess skin, however, I'm in no rush to do this. I just feel relieved that the hardest part is over and that I can wear singlets and t-shirts with NO binder!

Why I am posting less and less is because I actually don't think about my transition all that much anymore. Which is probably the icing on the cake really. To be physically relieved of a burden was one of the greatest feelings in my life but to now be mentally relieved... it just creates bliss.

I now have all of this mental space to think about so much more in my life. I don't feel as though there are any restrictions or blockages to be able to achieve anything I want for myself. I now go to the pool by myself, I always avoided public places where I needed to not wear my binder. Sometimes I'd just swim in my binder. This isn't fun.

Working out was a private affair. In my shed with my home gym. Which I don't think I'll give up, I quite like the solitude and time to focus on myself without distraction.

I know just how draining transitioning can be. So very very draining. So since my chest surgery I have been doing more than physically recovering from the operation. I've been recuperating my emotions and my mind and thinking great things about where I am in my life and who I have in my life. Suffice to say, I'm very happy.

I do feel as though it is important for me to say that in terms of feeling totally happy within my gender and body, I'm not in an ideal situation. Being trans is something I accept and am proud of, but I think if I had the golden choice of having the perfect male body or being trans, I would choose to be something like Josh Hartnett. But I still think there is beauty within myself and I'm content.

Further to this point, I guess there are times I don't actually feel male. But perhaps it is not as simple has that. Maybe I am having certain thoughts that I wouldn't necessarily identify as male thoughts. This may seem weird. But I definitely think that society constructs gender roles right down to the type of thoughts we have. And I don't like that I catch myself categorising simple thoughts.

But in the end, I may not be 100% male identifying or even 0% female identifying. It's all quite a blur to me. All I know is that to exist in this world as happy as I can possibly be and as effective as I can be, then living as a man and having a masculine body just does it for me.

I feel complete.

But not completely like this though!

but i try! also, this is me 15 months on T

,

its warming up!

Thu, 29 Nov 2007 02:57:42 GMT

summer is around the corner. only 2 days away! i've been doing well. working and recovering and a bit of partying.

my chest is healing well, I have very little pain now and I'm keen to get back into the gym in January.

I have a new art project, I'm going to do a performance for a group called RockStrip got to www.myspace.com/rockstrip - so this will keep me occupied as well. Also, I'm involved in some other art projects for Midsumma. I haven't performed in nearly a year and it's taking some time to think creatively again.

I have 3 weeks left until holidays and then I get to meet my partners parents and family. I have been with Camille for over 2 1/2 years but I was banned from meeting them because I'm trans. But they have finally come around. Also, they are a traditional Indian family so it was hard for them to accept me.

To my buddy in Berlin MARTIBLUE

how the fuck are you? I can't wait to go surfing with you this summer... i'm gagging for it!

Here are some pics of my chest surgery and some other recent pics.

some post op thoughts and pics

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 04:27:13 GMT

i've cross posted this, so sorry if you read it twice.

Lately I've been feeling a bit weird. Kind of sad and heavy. Don't get me wrong, I feel awesome about my new body, which is healing well.
My chest is sticking out so I have good muscle definition and this makes me very proud and very happy. The sad and heavy weirdness is attributed to this journey being over now and reconciling myself.

I set this for myself, that once I get my chest surgery, it is over. I wanted that because I want to do so many other things in my life that requires me to not be so self focussed and self obsessed.

I walk past shop windows and look at my reflection and I love what I see, I see the me I always wanted to be. But I also look very different. I look like a man and I look beefy. The muscle I have put on stands out now and it is strange to see me the way I am now. Only 1 & 1/2 years ago I was a skinny runt, I was soft, in terms of my feelings and my appearance. I looked more feminine, but I didn't look female. I looked like a feminine guy. I kind of miss that to be honest. There are parts of me I truly do miss. I don't seem to be able to feel as deeply as I used to. I feel more plateau, and if I was to feel something stronger it is usually anger. Although I haven't been able to exercise and I have just started to ride my bike to work again, which will improve things.

I guess what I'm trying to centralise this post on is the actual transformation I have gone through, who I am now as opposed to who I was then and the notion of almost erasing the person I was by physical transformation. It feels strange, particularly when some people don't recognise me anymore. I mean of course, I wanted to look more masculine, stronger, facial hair, deeper voice, but when it all actually happens it is really fucking weird.... and amazing too.

There are some friends I haven't spoken to for a few years, for whatever reasons, who cares anymore anyway, but part of me wants to talk to them again to be able to reconnect to a time when I was the person beforehand, does that make sense? I want to feel complete and absorb all facets of who I was and who I am, to reconcile everything about myself from the past and present so I don't feel like a brand new person (because I am physically a new person). To be able to achieve this, I feel as though I need to look at my life and my existence from more of an energy point of view, my energy has been shifting around and going through a transformation, I've shared my existence and energy with particular people over the last year, I was conscious about choosing these people and I have excluded others from my life because this year was precious for me and I didn't want to expose myself to them. I have been safeguarding myself. In Melbourne it feels as though the trans* thing is kind of 'cool' and I hate that. But now I want my existence and energy to reconnect with people where I left it and reconcile myself and move forward.

oh my god that sounds so hippy. I am not a hippy.

does this make sense? can anyone relate?

to put it more simply, i need to catch up with some people for some beers and go out this summer and have some fun, I want to know hat is happening in the lives of others and tell people I love them.

magazine article

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 04:20:50 GMT

this damn magazine printed my surname when doing an article on me, without my consent. fuckers.

i was so pissed off and scared i broke into a sweat. but i've calmed down now and who really cares anyway... why do i care more about my surname being there instead of my photo?
because when you grow up you change, but your surname means you're entire history.

**thinks back to school yard bullies and cowers, thinking they will come back and tease me... you fucken freak..**

i'm sure that won't happen though.

but that is what i felt.

the article is not word for word, it is the media after all. here it is. it reads quite well i think.

,

chest pic

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 07:23:00 GMT

a picture says a thousand words...

happy birthday to me!

man chest pics... not naked yet

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 08:35:13 GMT

on Thursday i get to see my new chest for the first time, and i hope it is everything i've dreamed of. well at least close to. i know i'll need to do more gym work over the next 6 months to get closer to my goal.

here are a few pics of my new chest look with a new singlet and cap i bought to to welcome the new free me. i am still heavily bandaged, but only for 3 more days.

p.s. as everyone thus far has commented on the drains, i thought i'd add that they are pretty high tech. they are vacuum sealed so they suck the fluid out and the silicone tubing is so thin that they guarantee that it won't hurt when they come out. it is also good because i can measure how much fluid is draining. so far over 550ml has drained. the more the better.

oh happy man chest day

Tue, 02 Oct 2007 22:30:24 GMT

it is done. finally! i am very happy! it was pretty smooth, the drugs were great! it went fast and all of the staff were very kind and friendly.

my partner took good care of me yesterday afternoon and now i need to wear this compression vest and drains until next week. i had to wear these leg stockings overnight to avoid clotting. next thursday i get the vest and drains off. one day before my birthday.

so i'll just have to lounge around and rest until then.

i can't wait to see the results. i am so much flatter than i have ever been in my life, apart from before puberty of course.

thank you to all of you for your kind messages, thoughts and support.

thank you to all my loved ones.

take care

jez

p.s. i'll post pics soon!

one more sleep

Sun, 30 Sep 2007 23:38:29 GMT

that's right folks!!!!

I'm in Brisbane now and its my last day!! I go in tomorrow morning at 6.30am

see you on the flipside

jez

ok.. so the silly excitement is starting

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 02:40:59 GMT

fucken ay'

i'm having a bye bye boobies bbq on saturday, then sunday morning i fly to Brisbane to relax for 2 days, stock up on groceries and toys, dvd's, books, games etc.

Then Tuesday is the big day!

I get my dressings off on my birthday!

I cried yesterday from happiness, I've waited so long. I don't cry easily anymore since starting testosterone, so it felt really nice.

my mate took a photo of me on saturday. he has been training me for over 6 months.

across the great divide

Wed, 19 Sep 2007 06:56:52 GMT

okay folks....sooooo.... this year has been huge for me. I've been gearing towards my chest surgery for some time now and I've needed some help from a few inspiring friends of mine along the way.
You may know them - Silverchair and Powderfinger....

yes, I have got their latest albums this year to motivate me on my journey and to get me pumped for my gym training. They have inevitably become my own personal soundtrack and boy was I over the moon when my housemate said her brother would take me to their joint concert last night at the Rod Laver Arena to watch them in the SUPERBOX!!!!

it was bloody awesome.... sometimes the world delivers the most magical things to us.... the timing of it all. exactly 2 weeks before my surgery date i was getting my own live songs of sensation sung to me whilst i lounged in the superbox at the stadium of dreams.

sweeeeeet!

onto the T

muscles

I'm getting bigger, I am noticing some huge gains. After surgery I will do some major cutting, because all of the surplus protein has gone to my little pot belly!

hair

I'm growing my beard pretty fast. I hope to be able to wear it out by the end of the year.

emotions

i am so focussed on my upcoming surgery in 2 weeks that i don't feel anything but determination and positivity. Which i hope will soon cultivate into silly nerves and excitement.

yay!

new pic new strip

Sun, 16 Sep 2007 04:54:23 GMT

i'm hungover this morning... not the best behaviour since i'm having chest surgery in about 2 weeks!!!! but oh well, one last hoorah! we were also at a meeting/jam session for a band that is putting on another rockstrip show. go to myspace.com/rockstrip

they asked me to do a strip... woo hoo!!! so i'll be needing to work out alot more and heal real well come february so i can strut my stuff!

here is me right now!

my man chest

Thu, 06 Sep 2007 05:31:27 GMT

ok...so i'm just gonna repost this, because look how damn close it is! fuck yeah!!!!!

ok, so a bit of background info. here in melbourne you need to see doctors and psychs for at least one year before one can get approved for surgery. i was approved in July. but it took me 6 months to get in to see these docs. so all up i've been waiting for nearly 2 years!!!!!

send me your chest pics dudes!!! i want to celebrate man chests!!! reply to my post with your chest pic!! yee haa!

one year on T

Sun, 02 Sep 2007 12:00:30 GMT

so on the 29th of august it was the one year mark for me. so i thought i'd post some pics.

x - posted.

I'm really happy with everything and in a month I'm having chest surgery!!

BEFORE

ONE YEAR MARK

not far off one year on T

Fri, 17 Aug 2007 01:28:22 GMT

so i thought i'd post some recent pics

chest surgery

Tue, 07 Aug 2007 06:34:39 GMT