OK, so this is my trip plan.. Leaving Australia end of April, 2 weeks on a beach island in Thailand , 4 weeks in India. Then fly to Scotland mid June (to live and travel around Europe).

NOW I'm thinking I'd like to hop on another plane to SAN FRANSISCO for the TRANS MARCH 2008 at the end of June. Camille (my partner) said she'd probably rather go WOOFING in Europe and visit San Fran another time.

I went to it in 2005 when I was pre-transition and it would be awesome to go now that I am post op etc.

I need some people to convince me that this is a great thing to do and I should not worry about money etc and just go for a few weeks to have some fun. A flight will cost about AU$1000 and accommodation shouldn't be a problem because i have an awesome friend Kirby in the mission! So it would just be my flight plus play money.

Who is going anyway?

here are a couple of head shots!

pre T






18 months

So soon I will post before and after photos of myself, I've been really busy lately. I'm nearly 1 & 1/12 years on T.

But basically I owe a huge thanks to my Personal Trainer, Lee Caldwell.

Lee really helped me prepare for chest surgery in terms of building up my chest muscles to get the best result possible. Through this process I learnt about my diet, exercise, weight gain, body building and a whole lot more.

I put on about 12kgs, which was mainly muscle. I'm really happy with my body now and I actually have pecs!

Lee is totally understanding of the transition process and if you are interested in getting assistance from a really motivated and positive source, check out Sunny Gym below for more info.

we were having visa issues and now we will probably be living and working in the Republic of Ireland and not the UK.

But we are still going through Thailand and India and Scotland. But then heading to Dublin to work.

We still want to go to America too.

yay!

I'M LEAVING AUSTRALIA!

Camille and I are heading overseas, which is very exciting. Apart from a few visa issues we are looking forward to it all.

First we are planning a beach holiday in Thailand, then we are going to India for a few months. Camille is going to do a pilgrimage with her parents in Tibet. I'll go rafting and camping whilst we are separated.

Then we are heading to the UK. Primarily Scotland. But we want to travel through Europe as well. If anyone has a place for us to stay anywhere in the world we would love you!

We are also going to go to New York and San Francisco, and anywhere else where someone is, who offers us a place to stay!

Let me know if you are up for it this year!

yippee

howdy.... B-News did a write up of the TransMen TransLated exhibition and a little about me and the FTM transition.

It's short but sweet.

go to http://www.bnews.net.au/content/view/1060/1/

also, here is a very recent pic of me and my partner Camille.

http://photos.samesame.com.au/vic/Upstart_Alley__Gasworks_-_27_1_08/_MG_7640-alleykat_080127_upstart_alley.jpg.html

Here are some photos from the recent Exhibitions I have been involved in.

This one is called TransMen TransLated.

It featured a documentary on my chest surgery, an interview and short film of my earlier transition stages as well as footage of my performances.

There were also many photos of myself and other dudes from around the world. Jesslyn Moss was the curator and photographer of some images, Claire (Wednesday) Henry did an installation and was the filmmaker behind the 2 films (which have also been accepted into the Melbourne Queer Film Festival). I'm sorry that I don't have credit information on all of the other images, some are self portraits and there were also some images from other photo projects. The shots were beautiful.

There were 150 people there at the opening and it was truly amazing to be a part of this. It was a pretty special and real exhibition, very personal and hopefully there will be more to come in Melbourne and Australia.

I'd like to make mention of Zoe Belle who unfortunately passed away tragically the night before the opening. I did not know her myself, but she had a pivotal role in the Trans* community and many people at the opening were very sad. It is an awful tragedy and my thoughts go out to her loved ones.

( pics )

i don't quite know how to overcome this. it certainly frustrates me, and at times is very painful.


( shake it off )

at my work xmas party we were posing hell crazy like and i managed to pull off a very good pete doherty face.

i'm not sure this is a good thing though?


this is me

this is pete

Come and see my surgery doco, other docos on my transition and a photo project featuring many guys from around the world.

summer is around the corner. only 2 days away! i've been doing well. working and recovering and a bit of partying.

my chest is healing well, I have very little pain now and I'm keen to get back into the gym in January.

I have a new art project, I'm going to do a performance for a group called RockStrip got to www.myspace.com/rockstrip - so this will keep me occupied as well. Also, I'm involved in some other art projects for Midsumma. I haven't performed in nearly a year and it's taking some time to think creatively again.

I have 3 weeks left until holidays and then I get to meet my partners parents and family. I have been with Camille for over 2 1/2 years but I was banned from meeting them because I'm trans. But they have finally come around. Also, they are a traditional Indian family so it was hard for them to accept me.


To my buddy in Berlin MARTIBLUE

how the fuck are you? I can't wait to go surfing with you this summer... i'm gagging for it!

Here are some pics of my chest surgery and some other recent pics.


( surgery pics and 6 weeks post-op )

i've cross posted this, so sorry if you read it twice.

Lately I've been feeling a bit weird. Kind of sad and heavy. Don't get me wrong, I feel awesome about my new body, which is healing well.
My chest is sticking out so I have good muscle definition and this makes me very proud and very happy. The sad and heavy weirdness is attributed to this journey being over now and reconciling myself.

I set this for myself, that once I get my chest surgery, it is over. I wanted that because I want to do so many other things in my life that requires me to not be so self focussed and self obsessed.

I walk past shop windows and look at my reflection and I love what I see, I see the me I always wanted to be. But I also look very different. I look like a man and I look beefy. The muscle I have put on stands out now and it is strange to see me the way I am now. Only 1 & 1/2 years ago I was a skinny runt, I was soft, in terms of my feelings and my appearance. I looked more feminine, but I didn't look female. I looked like a feminine guy. I kind of miss that to be honest. There are parts of me I truly do miss. I don't seem to be able to feel as deeply as I used to. I feel more plateau, and if I was to feel something stronger it is usually anger. Although I haven't been able to exercise and I have just started to ride my bike to work again, which will improve things.

I guess what I'm trying to centralise this post on is the actual transformation I have gone through, who I am now as opposed to who I was then and the notion of almost erasing the person I was by physical transformation. It feels strange, particularly when some people don't recognise me anymore. I mean of course, I wanted to look more masculine, stronger, facial hair, deeper voice, but when it all actually happens it is really fucking weird.... and amazing too.

There are some friends I haven't spoken to for a few years, for whatever reasons, who cares anymore anyway, but part of me wants to talk to them again to be able to reconnect to a time when I was the person beforehand, does that make sense? I want to feel complete and absorb all facets of who I was and who I am, to reconcile everything about myself from the past and present so I don't feel like a brand new person (because I am physically a new person). To be able to achieve this, I feel as though I need to look at my life and my existence from more of an energy point of view, my energy has been shifting around and going through a transformation, I've shared my existence and energy with particular people over the last year, I was conscious about choosing these people and I have excluded others from my life because this year was precious for me and I didn't want to expose myself to them. I have been safeguarding myself. In Melbourne it feels as though the trans* thing is kind of 'cool' and I hate that. But now I want my existence and energy to reconnect with people where I left it and reconcile myself and move forward.

oh my god that sounds so hippy. I am not a hippy.

does this make sense? can anyone relate?

to put it more simply, i need to catch up with some people for some beers and go out this summer and have some fun, I want to know hat is happening in the lives of others and tell people I love them.

( pictures of my chest 3 weeks post-op. )

this damn magazine printed my surname when doing an article on me, without my consent. fuckers.

i was so pissed off and scared i broke into a sweat. but i've calmed down now and who really cares anyway... why do i care more about my surname being there instead of my photo?
because when you grow up you change, but your surname means you're entire history.

**thinks back to school yard bullies and cowers, thinking they will come back and tease me... you fucken freak..**

i'm sure that won't happen though.

but that is what i felt.

the article is not word for word, it is the media after all. here it is. it reads quite well i think.

( frankie magazine )

a picture says a thousand words...




happy birthday to me!

( more birthday fun )

on Thursday i get to see my new chest for the first time, and i hope it is everything i've dreamed of. well at least close to. i know i'll need to do more gym work over the next 6 months to get closer to my goal.

here are a few pics of my new chest look with a new singlet and cap i bought to to welcome the new free me. i am still heavily bandaged, but only for 3 more days.

p.s. as everyone thus far has commented on the drains, i thought i'd add that they are pretty high tech. they are vacuum sealed so they suck the fluid out and the silicone tubing is so thin that they guarantee that it won't hurt when they come out. it is also good because i can measure how much fluid is draining. so far over 550ml has drained. the more the better.

( chest )

it is done. finally! i am very happy! it was pretty smooth, the drugs were great! it went fast and all of the staff were very kind and friendly.

my partner took good care of me yesterday afternoon and now i need to wear this compression vest and drains until next week. i had to wear these leg stockings overnight to avoid clotting. next thursday i get the vest and drains off. one day before my birthday.

so i'll just have to lounge around and rest until then.

i can't wait to see the results. i am so much flatter than i have ever been in my life, apart from before puberty of course.

thank you to all of you for your kind messages, thoughts and support.

thank you to all my loved ones.

take care

jez

p.s. i'll post pics soon!

that's right folks!!!!

I'm in Brisbane now and its my last day!! I go in tomorrow morning at 6.30am

see you on the flipside

jez

fucken ay'

i'm having a bye bye boobies bbq on saturday, then sunday morning i fly to Brisbane to relax for 2 days, stock up on groceries and toys, dvd's, books, games etc.

Then Tuesday is the big day!

I get my dressings off on my birthday!

I cried yesterday from happiness, I've waited so long. I don't cry easily anymore since starting testosterone, so it felt really nice.

my mate took a photo of me on saturday. he has been training me for over 6 months.

okay folks....sooooo.... this year has been huge for me. I've been gearing towards my chest surgery for some time now and I've needed some help from a few inspiring friends of mine along the way.
You may know them - Silverchair and Powderfinger....

yes, I have got their latest albums this year to motivate me on my journey and to get me pumped for my gym training. They have inevitably become my own personal soundtrack and boy was I over the moon when my housemate said her brother would take me to their joint concert last night at the Rod Laver Arena to watch them in the SUPERBOX!!!!

it was bloody awesome.... sometimes the world delivers the most magical things to us.... the timing of it all. exactly 2 weeks before my surgery date i was getting my own live songs of sensation sung to me whilst i lounged in the superbox at the stadium of dreams.

sweeeeeet!


onto the T


muscles

I'm getting bigger, I am noticing some huge gains. After surgery I will do some major cutting, because all of the surplus protein has gone to my little pot belly!

hair

I'm growing my beard pretty fast. I hope to be able to wear it out by the end of the year.

emotions

i am so focussed on my upcoming surgery in 2 weeks that i don't feel anything but determination and positivity. Which i hope will soon cultivate into silly nerves and excitement.

yay!